And Then I Freaked Out and Went to the Hospital…

8 Feb
Hospital Party

Spending some quality time with the labor and delivery nurses…

Yesterday around 4:00 I realized that I hadn’t felt my little guy move around much throughout the day. It’s weird because it usually feels like he is having a dance party in my tummy at least a few times during the day, but yesterday was a little different.

I tried to poke him a little and wiggle him around, but I still didn’t really feel anything going on. Usually the rule of thumb is that moms should feel their babies moving at least 10 times per 2 hours, but I realized that the last time I could remember feeling him move was the night before.

I didn’t think it was that big of a deal, but I mentioned it to my dad while on the phone with him, and he told me I should probably call the hospital just to make sure everything was okay.

After explaining the situation, they told me to come in to get things checked out. Cue minor freakout.

I had to wait about an hour for Michael to get home before we could go, and in the meantime every plausible (and a lot of implausible) scenarios went through my mind. By the time Michael got home I had his entire little funeral planned out in my mind.

When we got to the hospital they performed a Fetal Non-Stress Test (hence the itchy baby-monitoring bands strapped around my exceptionally large belly).

Well wouldn’t you know that about 5 minutes into the test the little guy decides it’s party time and starts wiggling around like a maniac. Like, “Ha, aren’t I so funny? Scared you, mom!” Yep, thanks a lot, kid. Awesome joke.

Even though he started moving right after the test started, I’m glad I went in, because I would have spent the entire night worrying that he had been oxygen-deprived for several hours during the day and had brain damage. Oh yeah, I can come up with all kinds of terrifying scenarios if I really put my mind to it.

It’s funny because I feel like I have spent my entire pregnancy being worried. First I was worried that I would miscarry. Then I worried that he might not be healthy. Then I worried that he wasn’t growing normally. Yesterday I was worried that he had died. I usually have one or two worries floating around in my mind…

My current concerns are that he will either be born with ambiguous genitalia (I saw a documentary about it one time and have been terrified ever since…) or that he’ll be born with the aforementioned brain damage. Or both. It’s really exhausting to sit and worry about these things all day long. I mentioned this to my mom and said that I can’t wait until he’s born because then I can stop worrying about him all the time and she just looked at me with this expression that clearly said, “Oh sweetie, you have no idea what you’re getting yourself into.”

It was in that moment that I realized that I will go to my grave worrying about my child(ren).

Am I going crazy, or is this what having a mom’s brain feels like? All of this concern is making me feel not just a little nuts… Help!!

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14 Responses to “And Then I Freaked Out and Went to the Hospital…”

  1. Megan Ellertson February 8, 2013 at 2:07 pm #

    Dani-I am right there with you. I worried my whole pregnancy too. I remember one day when I hadn’t felt Mary move since the night before. I tried not to worry but I did everything in the book that I could to get her moving. I woke up in the morning to get ready for work and she hadn’t been her usual active self during the night. I woke up Tim to have him talk to her because she generally would perk up to listen to him. I put my electric toothbrush against my belly hope to buzz her awake. Finally after drinking some VERY concentrated grape juice she perked up. I just imagined her thinking “Mom…let me sleep please. I’m FINE.” You just have to remember that the majority of pregnancies and babies are perfectly fine and healthy. I think the paranoid mom brain is pretty normal though. And once he arrives, like your mom said, it’ll still be there. Sometimes I HAVE to have Mary sleep with us just so I can hold her and make sure she’s breathing at night. Anyway though-you are going to be a great mom! I love reading your posts. Good luck for the rest of your pregnancy!

    • dani :) February 11, 2013 at 3:17 pm #

      Seriously, I’m sure he was thinking the exact same thing πŸ™‚ it’s good to hear from you! I love seeing pictures of Mary, she is adorable and you look so happy! And thanks, I’ll take all the luck I can get πŸ™‚

  2. Rebecca Payton February 8, 2013 at 2:08 pm #

    I think all that worrying is normal! Especially for a first time mommy. I know that is exactly how I was when I was pregnant with Collin. And it just turns into different kind of worry when they are born! Lol I am so excited for you to have him!! =)

    • dani :) February 11, 2013 at 3:24 pm #

      I’m so excited too!! Ps: keep those pictures of your little man coming, he is just way too cute πŸ™‚

  3. Lynne February 8, 2013 at 2:20 pm #

    solution: have bunches of children so you’re too busy birthing and raising kids to worry about them…?

    • dani :) February 11, 2013 at 3:18 pm #

      Lynne, you are truly a genius. I hope Michael doesn’t mind when he finds out I’ll want to get working on #2 after the 6-week mark…

  4. Tara Harris February 8, 2013 at 5:31 pm #

    I can just imagine beths face….because when I read the comment “I can’t wait until he’s born because then I can stop worrying about him all the time” I immediatley had the same face while staring at the computer screen…I actually thought the worry would be easier now that they are all grown..but with grown children comes a whole new set of worries….are their bills paid…are they happy…..will they fall in love…..will they get a job….keep a job…lose a job…..is their rent paid…why haven’t they called…..welcome to motherhood πŸ™‚ I wouldn’t change it for the world but there have been more than one or two times that I did literally think I was going nuts…it goes with the territory…
    Tara

    • dani :) February 11, 2013 at 3:22 pm #

      Well I hadn’t thought of all of those things… but I guess I have about 20 more years before I need to worry about whether or not this little guy will be a successful adult, thankfully. I didn’t realize you read my blog! It looks like you are kicking butt as a nurse πŸ™‚ I’m glad that is working out so well for you! Tell Katie, Rachel, and Jonathan I say hi! πŸ™‚

  5. hojmenielsen February 8, 2013 at 10:13 pm #

    Goodness, what a scare! Sounds horrible! Such a little jokester, your little man. I worry about all of the same things, so maybe it’s normal? Currently I’m worried that my baby is moving around too much and that maybe it’s a sign of some sort of disease or disorder. Mainly I think about this at night when I can’t sleep cause she’s kicking and stretching so hard I feel sick – in other words: long nights, no sleep, lots of time to worry. Point being, I think worrying is part of the game and it IS a good thing to go and get checked up on when you suspect that something might be wrong. Maybe your little guy was taking a really long nap trying to figure out when to come out and play for real πŸ™‚ I’m so excited for the blog-update titled: “he’s here!” πŸ™‚

    • dani :) February 11, 2013 at 3:23 pm #

      I’m excited for the same thing for you! I’m pretty sure your little girl is going to be gorgeous–considering who her mama is πŸ™‚

  6. Elizabeth Campbell Huntsman February 9, 2013 at 6:49 am #

    Listen to your Momma. Love you!

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